Excuses Sent by Parents to School

Apparently, these are real notes written by parents. (Spellings have been left intact.)
1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell outof a tree and misplaced his hip.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
6. Megan could not come to school today because she has been botheredby very close veins.
7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
8. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
9. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea,and his boots leak.
10. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
11. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shoppingbecause i don’t know what size she wear.
12. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to getthe sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thoughtit was sunday.
13. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
14. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold andcould not breed well.